Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life

Unfu*k yourself : get out of your head and into your life
Genre: Self-Help
Publisher: HarperOne
Published: 8/1/2017
New York Times Bestseller Joining the ranks of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, You Are a Badas*, and F*ck Feelings comes this refreshing, BS-free, self-empowerment guide that offers an honest, no-nonsense, tough-love approach to help you move past self-imposed limitations.

Unf*ck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life by Gary John Bishop

Key Insights

We all have destructive thoughts that can block us from succeeding and achieving our full potential. When we find ourselves dealing with failure and an inability to move forward, it can be difficult to move forward and remove ourselves from these situations.

It is important to understand that these situations are typically the result of negative thoughts. And you may not even notice these thoughts that are self-destructive, as they are usually happening in your subconscious.

However, it’s not as easy as thinking happy thoughts to change this pattern. In order to build the positive foundation needed for less destructive thoughts, one must choose actions that are decisive and in direct conflict with the negative thoughts.

In Unf*ck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life, Gary John Bishop looks at how negative thinking impacts your daily life and what needs to be done to change these self-destructive thoughts. And in the process of changing these thoughts, one will find that the actions they take can lead to more confidence and motivation.

  • How to get out of your head and into your life

Even when you set new goals for yourself, it is important to remember that you need to be realistic. It is as much about what you are willing to do, as it is what you can do to make a change in your life.

And even knowing what you are willing to do, you must be able to handle possibly being uncomfortable and uncertain. In order to make progress in life, it is important to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

It is also important to remember that if you want to make a positive change in your life, you can’t lose sight of your goals. Once you have a goal, do not give up. Keep pushing forward.

Key Points

  • The key to success and happiness is positive thoughts and self-talk, whereas negativity in our thoughts can lead the opposite way

All day long, our brain is overrun with thoughts. Whether negative or positive, these thoughts will be a determining factor in what happens in our life.

When negative thoughts are allowed to take over and become the default setting of your mind, it will limit your potential in all areas of your life, whether we are talking about personal or professional. If you do not believe you can do something, then it is unlikely you will even try to do it.

Instead of allowing the negative to reign supreme, it is important to engage in positive thinking and self-talk. Not only will this spur you into action now, but it will change the way you respond to things in the future by changing the way your brain works over time.

The best way to engage in positive self-talk is to use assertions in the present tense. This means saying that you can do something and embracing whatever it is that you are hoping to change about your life.

It’s not just engaging in positive self-talk, it is also about making an effort to internalize that change to produce actual results.

  • To make a goal that works choose something you are actually willing to do

While most people think of goals as the things we desire or dream about having, this actually discourages people from being willing to sacrifice anything towards a goal.

You are more likely to succeed at achieving a goal when you choose something that you are actually willing to work towards.

There are five parameters that one should keep in mind when it comes to setting a goal and looking to achieve it. These are known as the SMART criteria.

SMART stands for specific, measurable, assignable, realistic, and time-related. Although in certain situations the A can be changed to represent attainable when not related to business.

Following the SMART criteria, while also setting rewards that one can achieve in their pursuit of their goals, can make success more attainable.

  • Your subconscious is more likely to think negative thoughts that are in contrast to your conscious goals

Your subconscious is very powerful in pushing you towards the future. When you think negative thoughts, it can inhabit your overall actions.

To counter the negativity one should establish a goal, break it into manageable steps, and then use positive self-talk to alter your subconscious in a way that pushes you forward.

However, negative thoughts that limit us can take a lot of time and work to change. By understanding thoughts that are self-limiting, you can better understand how to change them moving forward by using positive self-talk. It is all about deliberately using positive assertions on yourself in an effort to counter the subconscious negativity.

  • It is important to face problems one at a time rather than all at once

Our individual problems can create a mess of issues when we allow them to all meld together. However, it is important to separate the problems before trying to handle them.

Once problems have been separated, one must step back and take a look at their life. This is a chance to be reminded that there have been struggles in the past that you have already been able to overcome.

In order to gain perspective, it is important to look back at your life, but it can be hard to do this. Ways to do this might be to pretend you are looking backwards at the end of your life. Another option is to look at your life as if it were a movie. Finally, there is always writing things down and reading back over it.

  • Taking risks and allowing uncertainty can allow you to achieve greatness

Humans tend to prefer being safe and comfortable in their life. That being said, uncertainty is part of life.

The only way to really move forward in life is to embrace uncertainty and taking risks. However, before taking a risk, it is important to assess it and decide whether it is worthwhile.

To assess risk, first consider all of the facts. Then write a list of pros and cons, along with any benefits or drawbacks. By breaking down the risk, it allows you to create a distance from the situation that allows for logical thought and decision making.

Always consider the risks before taking them, and remember that uncertainty in life is to be expected.

  • Action is the only way to gain motivation

It takes more than just positive thinking to get away from bad habits. To create a plan of action for a goal, one must actually act against their negative thoughts.

By actually doing, you can fight back against subconscious negativity. Actions can create positive habits that are productive and healthy. This can also be a way to fight back against negative thoughts.

Knowing how habits are formed can be beneficial in learning how to break them as well. Plus, it can also help you stay on track with your positive thinking, which can lead to attaining your goals.

  • Sometimes you have to let go of previous plans and prior expectations

While you should never give up on your goals when they are realistic, life can make even the best laid plans obsolete.

In order to decide if it’s time to let go of a goal, it is important to determine whether you are holding onto it because it is expected. If it is not helping to push you forward in life, it is time to let it go.

Whenever you are working towards a goal it is important to work hard and see what happens when there are no expectations. If you find that the goal is no longer relevant to your life and moving you forward, it is time to adjust your plans.

Over time, by paying attention to your expectations and practicing acceptance, it can help to clarify your life and goals, while also making your emotional struggles less difficult over time.


In order to get out of your head and into your life, you must set realistic goals for yourself. Thinking positive thoughts is also important to moving forward in life.

Taking action is the best way to actually make a change in the way you think, while also helping to push you towards any of the goals you have set for yourself.

Remember that even when you have goals and a plan, it is important to be willing to let go of those plans when they no longer help you move forward in life.


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