How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Criticizing others does not get the desired results; it only fosters resentment and makes others feel humiliated. Instead, learn to get what you want by framing your approach around the needs of others. Demonstrate genuine compassion for the other person and structure your requests around satisfying the other person’s needs. Listen more and talk less, letting the other person dominate the conversation. Gain the influence of others by genuinely putting them first.
About the Author
At one point in his salesman career, Dale Carnegie earned up to $500 weekly ($11,800 today). Yet, Carnegie walked away from sales in pursuit of a career in public speaking, becoming a renowned lecturer delivering talks to packed houses (including once at Carnegie Hall). The highlight of his career was the publication of his lecture content into what would become the bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People. At the time of his death in 1955, this career-defining work had sold five million copies and was available in 31 languages.
Make People Like you with These Six Strategies
- Develop a genuine interest in other people.
- A person thinks their own name is the sweetest and most important sound.
- Become an effective listener and encourage the other person to talk more about themselves.
- Speak to the interests of the other person.
- Elevate the importance of the other person, with sincerity.
Win People Over to Your Way of Thinking in 12 Ways
- Avoid arguments; there are no real winners. When we argue, we humiliate the other person and cause them to double-down on their own position.
- Respect the opinions of others and avoid saying “You’re wrong.” Telling someone that they’re wrong is hurtful and discourages trust-building.
- Own up to being wrong immediately and sincerely; doing so builds trust and garners sympathy from the other person.
- Begin interactions with a friendly demeanor. Friendliness is disarming and encourages the other person to be receptive.
- Start conversations by asking questions that command ‘yes’ responses or lead them in the direction you want them to go by asking questions you know will solicit a ‘yes’.
- Listen more, talk less. Leave the majority of the talking to the other person.
- Make them feel like great ideas are their ideas.
- Try to understand their point of view.
- Show genuine sympathy for the ideas and desires of others.
- Appeal to their nobler motives and convince them to see things your way.
- Dramatize your ideas; paint them a proverbial picture of your ideas in action in order to attract their interest.
- Create a challenge that the other person must meet. This will motivate them to pursue a feeling of accomplishment.
Nine Ways to Change People Without Offending Them
- People want to obey an appreciative leader; start with praise.
- Indirectly call attention to their mistakes, as subtlety in your critique will be appreciated and encourages improvement.
- Before critiquing the other person, address your own mistakes. Owning up to your mistakes can garner support from others.
- Instead of commanding orders, ask questions and offer suggestions.
- Protect the pride of the other person; avoid condemnation in front of others.
- Offer genuine praise for noticeable improvement.
- Hold them in high regard and they will strive to live up to the expectation.
- Through encouragement, position mistakes in a way that appear easily remedied.
- Get others enthusiastic about following your suggestions. Make them eager to do what you want.